Family Life – June 2012

The Word of God has answers to problems of life and I am so sure that couples will find solutions to similar question you are about to read and it will go a long way in bringing peace and better understanding  in the home.

Question: My husband says categorically that any woman who does not abide by his mother’s instruction will leave his house. Is this right and if not, how do I correct his mindset.

Answer: This type of man has lost control of his home and does not understand what marriage is all about. Ignorantly, he has shifted his leadership to his mother and there is no doubt this will create problems in his relationship with his wife. However, he needs to be educated aright on this issue. If he is agreeable, you may refer him for counselling. You also need to pray that God will open his eyes of understanding and give him wisdom. On your side, respect your mother-in-law and give her the honour that is due to her. As much as possible, maintain peace with her and guard against any confrontation. God will give you wisdom to handle the situation and you will prevail in Jesus’ Name.

Question: Why are men intimidated by their wife’s success even when she is submissive and not showy?

Answer: Scripturally speaking, the man is the head of the wife therefore a man would always seek to keep this order in place. The man is naturally created for conquest, that is, the drive to lead in all things – spiritually, financially, etc, and when this order is reversed, his ego is bruised. Unfortunately, a number of women do not know how to handle such situations and they tend to rub their husbands on the wrong side when they are financially better off than him.

It is a very testy period for most men when they are financially challenged. It makes them feel less of a man and when a wife is not sensitive enough to know how to handle them, they become frustrated and aloof. Wisdom however demands that a woman exercises more care than she normally would, to help her husband get through situations like this. For instance, instead of paying the bills; house staff, children’s fees, utility bills etc , you will do better by putting some money into your husband’s account to allow him the responsibility of paying the bills. This way, you will be helping him keep his respect, especially before the staff and children who may begin to show him disrespect by their attitude.

However, if your husband is the irresponsible type (who would use the funds for other things), go ahead and pay the bills to keep the house running but continue to show him respect. You could also periodically ‘sow’ the seed of some money to him respectfully telling him how much he has affected your life and how much you appreciate him. You must also be humble enough to receive correction and advice at this time. Don’t say because you are the person picking up the bills, you must control what goes on at home! Above all, you need to keep praying that God will change the situation and restore his fortunes.

Enjoy your home

Folake Johnson

Comments to familylife@rccgchapelofmercy.org or sms to +234 (0) 8033033046

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